It's been nearly a month since you left us. Your ashes have returned home, and you are back on the windowsill you spent so much time on. We have tattoos of you now, I am so happy with them and it means you will always be with us. I am doing better than I thought I would, but I'm also not OK at all - for whatever reason tonight is particularly bad and nothing is helping so I thought I'd try writing to you. I've cried so hard my lungs and back hurt. I've obviously been sad and cried before, but never ever like this my heart genuinely aches, it is so physical. I need to change my bed sheets but I can't bring myself to do it because you slept on them a few days before we found out about your cancer (slept the whole night with me - you never did this!) I'm trying to keep on keeping on, I don't want to but I'm trying to make my life better for future me and any future animals that need a home. Nothing will ever replace you, and I cannot see myself owning another cat for years honestly. I thought I'd find comfort being around other cats but it's been the opposite, it leaves me wanting you back which is a thought I try not to let myself have. I could ramble on forever so I will stop now with just saying I love you and I really miss you!
"if love could have kept her, she'd be with us forever"
2nd April 2025