When you first came to us you were so afraid and shy. You hid behind the sofa for weeks and didn't come out until we had gone to bed. Over time you got more confident and started to come say hi, I still have the video of the first time you meowed at me. You blossomed into such a chatty little thing. You always looked a bit grumpy and fed up, but I know you were happy and felt safe with us. You were spoiled, so so spoiled and had you lived longer we would have spoiled you so much more. We always said we would sell everything we own to get you whatever you needed, and we meant every word. If you were young enough and healthy enough we would have spent the money on chemotherapy for you without a second thought. Your age and health conditions meant we couldn't do this for you, but I hope you know we would have given you years of our own lives so you could have stayed with us a bit longer. Me and Val pooled our photos and videos of you together, and there was well over one thousand, and this is without contributions from everyone else who knew you - you were cherished. 

The day you left us, you got to lie in the sun for hours and I am eternally grateful for that. You died before the spring could come, but at least you got to warm your old bones one last time. You hated going to the vets in general, and I'm sorry we had to take you on that day. I have found comfort in knowing that was the last time you had to go through that, and you never have to go to the vets again. We don't know if you were in pain, I hope not, but I know now you are safe and nothing can happen to you. You are no longer struggling to breathe, you are no longer able to feel things like tiredness, fear, hunger and that brings me so much peace. We made the decision to take away your pain, and we now carry that for you. I will never regret the decision we made, I just hate that you are not here, not home, with your dads. You were understandably scared, and I am so sorry for that, but you died with such grace and you died in the arms of your dads who love you so much. It was peaceful and fast and I am grateful for that. I looked at your face afterwards, a decision I am still not sure was good or bad, and you were so beautiful. Your eyes had changed, but you were still my beautiful baby. The vet, who was wonderful, treat you with so much respect and carried you out in the blue blanket you slept on - she swaddled you like a baby and was so gentle with you. 

We originally got you because I was struggling, I need you to know how much your presence helped me and gave me a reason to keep living. We spent so much time together, you were a constant companion. Even just being in the same room with you helped immensely. I'm writing this in a flat that is empty and no longer feels like a home without you, I knew the aftermath was going to be bad and I feared this very thing - being alone again. I feel empty, truly gutted out but I know I need to keep going and that your presence in my life was a blessing. I got out of bed and sat in the sun before writing this, not because I wanted to but because I know you would be doing that if you were here and I don't want to waste it for you. 

You were, and still are, my baby in every sense of the word. You have taken a piece of me with you and have changed my life profoundly. 15 years was not old enough, and the 3 years we got with you was simply not enough time. There will never have been enough time with you. You were a teeny tiny thing but you have made such a ripple in so many people's lives, not just me and Val's. Our friends and family have cried over your loss and are hurting, you were so loved. At the time of writing this, the day after you died, you are still at the vets waiting to be cremated. I can't wait for you to return back home, so you can rest at home with us. We are planning to make a little space for you on the windowsill, where you spent so much time, so you can continue to watch the birds and enjoy the sun.

We all love and miss you so much.

RIP Suki

07/02/2010 - 08/03/2025